There Comes Beauty From Pain

 

Once my life was a journey in sunshine,

Each moment seemed like a piece of Heaven.

There was joy in the air, my heart was so full,

And there were friendships so priceless and rare.

 

I knew nothing of pain of the heart,

No needs or wants were ever denied.

I knelt rarely to pray for,

I needed Jesus for nothing.

 

Then the Father saw me,

 happy there ,content without Him

So with tears in His eyes He said

“My child, I love you more than you know.

So I take from you now, all of your things,

And all that you love, for you do not love me.

 

With that, the black clouds rolled into my life.

I trudged down the path,

lonely, hurting, confused, and I cried.

I said “Jesus I need my things, those that I love.

They are everything.

They are all that I have.”

 

My Lord saw my heart,

Which was bitter and hard,

So He took one more step,

And then broke me inside.

 

The storm clouds broke as I fell to me knees,

Bleeding, broken, shattered inside.

 My knees which were soft from not seeking His face,

Were now bruised from the stone on the path in my way.

 

My heart shattered in pieces,

Which then fell to the ground,

Broken, worthless, unnoticed by all

 

I cried to my Savior in a voice filled with pain,

“Dear Jesus I need you, I love you, my All.

I see how you always wanted my love,

But I gave it away to others instead.”

As rain poured from the sky,

It mixed with my tears,

And watered the shattered pieces of my broken heart.

 

I wept and I prayed as the sun started to shine.

My eyes which once filled with tears,

Now filled with wonder at the miracle before me.

 

Where once lay the pieces of my shattered heart,

A fragile, tiny plant had begun to grow.

 

Out of my brokenness, washed by my tears,

Came a beautiful rose ,grown by the rain

 

Where before there was hardness,

 my heart was made soft.

The rain had a purpose,

I could now plainly see.

 

As I looked on in wonder,

I heard His still voice.

“My child, I love you, and now you can see.

There is strength in the weakness,

There is goodness in rain.

There is need for all seasons,

There comes beauty from pain.”

 -Me, 1/26/2009

Espana!

Awhile back I posted about a journey of faith that Jesus was taking me on. I hinted at things, and now as God has chosen to bring this path into the light, I feel I can share more about it.

When I was only twelve years old I felt that God was calling me to the mission field. I could hardly wait for the church service to be over to rush up to my dad (the pastor) and tell him. But God has simply not chosen to open any doors for overseas service. Each summer as others travel on missions trips I feel so left behind. As they share their stories and testimonies of changed lives I find myself in tears, longing so very much for that to be me. But each time so many things have blocked my way.

Back in September or October I was talking with my lifelong friend Deanna about my desire to serve overseas. I mentioned that I was open to traveling anywhere, even to Spain, where God has led them. She gave me information about how long I would be able to stay in Spain, when would be the best time to come, and gave some rough estimations about costs. I would be able to live with their family, help start their church, maybe work at some Christian camps, and a lot more. Immediately I felt God telling me that this was what He had been saving for me all these years. All those two week missions trips I missed are nothing compared to being able to live in a foreign country for 3 months with people my family has known for my entire life.

As I began to pray that God would open doors if He wanted me to go, my spiritual life grew so much. The amount of money I needed to earn/raise was staggering to me. The permission to be prayed in seemed like a huge challenge, and the list of obstacles grew with each day.

I decided to take a step of faith in November, and applied for my passport. Last year it was taking 6 months to get a passport, and I had exactly that much time before I needed to have it. There were questions about the paperwork that could possibly push things back even farther, and I had to just take it to the Lord. Only TEN days after submitting my paperwork I received my passport. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! That was the first time that I truly felt God was going to continue to open doors for me.

A major burden on my heart was the desire to give away as much as possible to the people I would be serving with. Abigail and Lauren gave me a book by Randy Alcorn called The Treasure Principle. In it he compared giving to the work of a postal person. You wouldn’t expect them to simply take the mail home, but to deliver it to the recipient. So maybe when God gives us money to manage (because it’s all truly His anyway), we are simply to deliver it to the right person. For this reason I felt God burdening my heart to be able to earn as much of my way as possible, and use any gifts I might receive to pass on to others. I am so excited to see how much I can earn, save, and give away! After all, when you die you can’t take it with you, but you can send it on ahead.

The search for a job was long, and I wasn’t able to find anything as soon as I wanted it. My deadline was January, and I realized that if I didn’t have at least a part time job by January I would not be able to make the trip.

December found me googling jobs, quickly applying for one I never thought I’d get, and then receiving a call from them the very next day. I interviewed that next week, and then waited through the long Christmas and New Years break for news. Finally (God’s time sure is slower than my time : ) ) I heard back that I did indeed have the job! It has far exceeded my expectations. I went to work the first day with a card in my pocket that read “Press toward the Goal,” to remind myself that no matter how I liked it, I must press on. I came home from the first day rejoicing and saying “I LOVE MY JOB!” How amazing is God? Really, to provide everything when I truly needed it, and then, He throws in an amazing job, because He can. I give Him praise for truly knowing and fulfilling the desires of my heart.

Right now I am planning to leave for Spain, Lord willing. There are still obstacles to be overcome, plans to be made, and things to be worked out. I am already in love with the country, and cannot imagine how amazing this will be. God is teaching me so much about submission, faith, trust, hope, dying daily, and obedience. I cannot begin to describe the journey in words, and I am excited that this is only beginning.

Please join me in praying for His will, for open doors, for the shutting of wrong doors, for provision, and for complete faith and submission to His heart’s desire for me. Thank you all for caring and praying. He is truly worthy to be praised.

What Truly Matters?

 1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world. 
 
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
 
 3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant

 4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
 
  5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
 
 6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.
 
 How did you do?
 The point is , none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
 
 These are no second-rate achievers
 
 They are the best in their fields.
  
 But the applause dies..

 Awards tarnish.
 Achievements are forgotten.
 
 Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
   
Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one: 
 
 1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

 2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
 
 3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
  
 4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!!

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
 
 Easier? 
 
 The lesson:
 
 The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials..
 
 the most money…or the most awards.
 
 They simply are the ones who care the most.

Someone In Florida…

 

 

Someone in Florida loves me.

You Might Be Emergent If…

You might be an emergent Christian: if you listen to U2, Moby, and Johnny
Cash’s Hurt (sometimes in church), use sermon illustrations from The
Sopranos, drink lattes in the afternoon and Guinness in the evenings, and
always use a Mac;

 if your reading list consists primarily of Stanley
Hauerwas, Henri Nouwen, N. T. Wright, Stan Grenz, Dallas Willard, Brennan
Manning, Jim Wallis, Frederick Buechner, David Bosch, John Howard Yoder, Wendell Berry, Nancy Murphy, John Franke, Walter Winks and Lesslie Newbigin
(not to mention McLaren, Pagitt, Bell, etc.) and your sparring partners
include D. A. Carson, John Calvin, Martyn Lloyd-Jones, and Wayne Grudem;

 if your idea of quintessential Christian discipleship is Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King Jr., Nelson Mandela, or Desmond Tutu;

if you don’t like George
W. Bush or institutions or big business or capitalism or Left Behind
Christianity; if your political concerns are poverty, AIDS, imperialism,
war-mongering, CEO salaries, consumerism, global warming, racism, and
oppression and not so much abortion and gay marriage;

if you are into
bohemian, goth, rave, or indie; if you talk about the myth of redemptive
violence and the myth of certainty; if you lie awake at night having
nightmares about all the ways modernism has ruined your life;

if you love
the Bible as a beautiful, inspiring collection of works that lead us into
the mystery of God but is not inerrant; if you search for truth but aren’t
sure it can be found;

 if you’ve ever been to a church with prayer
labyrinths, candles, Play-Doh, chalk-drawings, couches, or beanbags (your
youth group doesn’t count);

 if you loathe words like linear, propositional,
rational, machine, and hierarchy and use words like ancient-future, jazz,
mosaic, matrix, missional, vintage, and dance;

if you grew up in a very
conservative Christian home that in retrospect seems legalistic, naïve and
rigid; if you support women in all levels of ministry, prioritize urban over
suburban, and like your theology narrative instead of systematic; if you
disbelieve in any sacred-secular divide;

 if you want to be the church and
not just go to church; if you long for a community that is relational,
tribal, and primal like a river or a garden; if you believe doctrine gets in
the way of an interactive relationship with Jesus; if you believe who goes
to hell is no one’s business and no one may be there anyway;

 if you believe
salvation has a little to do with atoning for guilt and a lot to do with
bringing the whole creation back into shalom with its Maker; if you believe
following Jesus is not believing the right things but living the right way;
if it really bugs you when people talk about going to heaven instead of
heaven coming to us; if you disdain monological, didactic preaching;

 if you
use the word “story” in all your propositions about postmodernism-if all or
most of this tortuously long sentence describes you, then you might be an
emergent Christian.”

-Kevin DeYoung & Ted Kluck, Why We’re Not Emergent (By Two Guys Who ShouldBe); Chicago, Moody Press, 2008, p. 20-22

Jesus Tales

My friends Abigail and Lauren over at Pearls and Diamonds have started a special page dedicated to “Jesus Tales“. I had wanted to do a post sharing my salvation testimony, but this got me started. I thought I would post it over here also. Stay tuned for a post about that overseas trip I’ve been hinting at.

I like to say that Jesus saved me just in the nick of time. I know that we are all one heartbeat from hell, but I know how very close I was to being lost forever.

I was a very fearful child. I loved my family, and couldn’t imagine a life away from them. So at the age of seven, when I first remember hearing about hell, and the rapture, I was terrified. I remember waking up in the middle of the night crying, and praying on the couch with my dad. Although I grew up in a pastor’s home and was a well behaved girl, I know that something was missing. At ten I once again prayed the sinners prayer, once again out of fear, this time because my friends were getting saved at church camp, and I didn’t want to lose them too. I knew that I prayed, and was a good person, so I thought that was the evidence of Christ in me, not my good works. When I was fourteen I remember realizing for the first time that I was living only for myself, in the works of the “flesh.” Christ was not the Lord of my heart. By this time I was so embarrassed because I had already come forward twice, in a very small church. My best friends were missionary kids, and of course I was the pastor’s daughter. For a solid year I lived a lie. During this year my heart because so hard with pride, fear, and sin. I know my heart was dark as dark can be, to be able to resist Jesus’ love for me. I literally walked away from Him, running from each situation to be under conviction.  Finally, one day during Algebra, I simply turned to my mom with tears in my eyes and said “mom, I need to be saved.” I don’t remember the words, but I do remember that this time it was not out of fear, but out of the realization that I was a sinner and truly needed my perfect Savior. I immediately called my dad at work, and then took a deep breath and called my best friend. My pride had been in the way the whole time, afraid at the reaction of others, but her reaction was anything but judgmental. She was SO happy for me, and said she had known something wasn’t right and had prayed for me as we prayed together on our weekly “prayer dates.” Everyone else was so happy for me, if not a little confused at first. One friend’s mom called to make sure someone hadn’t played a practical joke. As I stood beside my dad at church I’ll never forget his words. With tears in his eyes he said that he would rather stand beside me one hundred times and know for sure, than to risk eternity.

Just a short time later I lost everything. I lost all I had known, all I had ever loved. I looked at my family with tears streaming down my face and said, “I am so glad Jesus saved me, because if I had waited just that much longer I know my heart would have hardened forever.” I was a sinner, saved by grace. I was a hurting, lonely baby Christian, held in His arms. I was a toddler, taking my first steps in life while holding tightly to His hand. Today I still cling to Him so tightly, and as we walk hand in hand on this journey of life. I dream about the day I will walk on those streets of gold, and fall into His embrace. It will be “Far beyond my deepest heart’s desire, far beyond what I could ever dream, far beyond a fairy tale imagination, ” it is His “perfect love for me.”